shopping day

Warning: The information in this post may gross you out, but I assure you the story i'm about to tell is true and not even the names have been changed to protect the guilty....
Saturday, in an effort to just get out of the house and be out and about with all the kids, we ventured into the world for a day of shopping and fun. The idea was to go to the nodland school park and eat a picnic lunch, play on the equipment and then little ones (and possibly dad) could nap in the car while errands were run and such. We left the house at 11am.
In order to MAXIMIZE our time, Tanya dropped me off with the kids at the park while she went to Kohl's pick up something and also to look for her lost cell phone. Famous last words "I won't be gone long" I'm thinking, "no problem, they will play and Ta will come back, we'll eat lunch, bada bing....nap time" WRONG!!!!!
First 10 min, Levi soaks his pants with urine- oops. No pullup, none in the diaper bag. Deep breath dad, you can handle this. Solution: Levi goes commando with wet shorts. Hopefully, they will dry by the time Tanya returns. No problem.
Well, about 5 min after that is cleared up, Erin comes to me and says "Daddy, i'm so sorry" That's right, she peed too. "It's okay, Erin" I calmly tell her. "no problem"
As I"m trying to clean up this mess, my hand mushes into something. That's right, She peed and pooped too. The lump falls out of her underwear, into the wood chips. 2 deep breaths, Layne...you can do this. Erin feels so bad, i just keep telling her "it's okay, honey"
Now, At this point, the other family that is playing at the park and observing my every move, decides to leave. Big shocker. Good news, Erin is in a skirt and I do have pants for Erin and none of the poo got on her skirt. So, bright idea....I'll put jesse in the stroller, Carry a naked erin over to the van and scrounge around for something plastic, right....whooops.... Oh yeah, Tanya took the van. Rats. Maybe i'll look again in the diaper bag. SWEET, a plastic bag, now i can pick up the lump of poo in the woodchips over by the swing. I also found a pullup in the diaper bag, score. Now i just have to decide who to put it on. Levi or Erin? Solution: Erin gets the pullup, because she is under my arm and Levi is off playing. Did i mention that it is about 92 degrees and 100% humidity? And where is Tanya? Shouldn't she be back by now? Hmmm?
Okay, It's noon, i better feed these monsters. Personally, I don't feel much like eating.
The kids were excited to eat and especially drink, we have one capri sun for each kid.
They are so hot, that they drink that first. Bad choice, because the sandwiches are peanut butter. Have you ever seen a kid turn blue trying to suck the last drop from a caprisun? Thankfully, we had a couple apples. No knife though. It would be good to mention here that i did have Antibacterial wipes that I used to wash hands before we ate. I resorted to biting out huge chunks from the apples and then handing them to the kids. They basically just sucked the juice out of them, too.
Hey, what is that honking i hear? is Tanya here? No, not in the parking lot. I have my phone, but i can't call her because her cell phone is lost. Hmmm?
i spotted a drinking fountain (oasis in the desert) across the park. HOORAY, it works. I brought the kids over for drinks. The kids pretty much douse themselves in water and we keep playing in the park. About an hour has past and now I'm about to pee my pants.
Tanya pulls up, HALLELUJAH! The kids all run to the van, because they know the air is on in there. She felt terrible. She couldn't remember how to get back to the park. She could see it from the street she was on, but couldn't find the turn. That's what the honking was, She was on a street where she could see me, but couldn't get to me. Oh, and she didn't find her phone. She is laughing hysterically, as i tell her about the events of the last hour.
Anyway. We continued the day, Tanya found some shorts and a pullup in the van for Levi. babies fell asleep and i washed the van with Kaylee and Isaac while Tanya was at JCPenney. We went to Mickydee's and got baby icecream cones and then picked Tanya up.
we went back home and ate supper and then went swimming at Leif Pool with the neighbors until 8pm. We showered and soaped up the kids at the pool showers, brought them home, brushed their teeth and put 'em to bed by 9. We laughed about our day and crashed in bed.
The next morning, i found Tanya's cell phone in the trunk of the Honda, before we went to church. Yeah!